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Seriousness can pop up in a relationship without overt warning, and it´s arguably better that way, because it means the two of you are unfolding naturally into one another. If you´re not sure how serious your relationship is – good for you! It means that the seriousness that has probably developed is of a very natural, “real” sort, unhindered by the phoniness that can come from desperation and low self-confidence.
On the other hand, if your lack of knowledge is coupled with some anxiety – either because you´re worried you´re stuck in a more committed situation than you want, or because you want a more committed relationship than you might have, the following points should help explain things a little, so you can figure out where to go from here.
Locale of Excitement
Your significant other is coming over for cuddles and a movie tonight. How do you feel? If you like the person, you probably feel excited, at least a little. Pay attention to where your experience of that feeling is located in your body. Find out – is it in your chest, your stomach, your groin? Are you nervous with butterflies, do your lungs feel like they´ve expanded, or are you just horny?
This will tell you something about your side of the relationship. If you´re mainly horny, don´t pretend to yourself or your partner that this is love – it´s lust, and thus, not very serious, since it´s easy to feel lust for a lot of different people. If it´s in your belly, you´re getting there – you´re nervous about more than whether or not you´ll get some intense pleasure later in the night. If it´s in your chest, and it´s an expanding feeling, well, remember: there´s a reason we associate love with the heart. It´s where we feel it, and if you´re feeling your excitement there, you´re feeling pretty serious.
How about your partner? Does she come over for a movie and some sexual frolicking, or at least some making out, and then leave again? Is the conversation more than small talk? Keep an eye out to see, by your partner´s actions, how she´s feeling about you. That isn´t to say that a serious relationship is devoid of great hay-rolling time – but it is about more than that.
Family Ties
Does your partner know your mother well enough to share an honest opinion about her? Does she know how to get along with your parents, or is she a bit afraid of them, even though they´re not really scary, just a little eccentric?
Have you brought him to your family functions, or has he brought you to his? If so, your relationship is on a serious track: introducing your partner to family – especially extended family – shows that you want the most important people in your life to consider the two of you an item. The same answer applies when he introduces you to his family, too.
Sleep-Overs
When you have your partner over for the night, do you wake up to a half-empty bed when the sun streams through the bedroom curtains? Does she? And why is this – if it´s because of something like a work schedule, don´t worry about it: it doesn´t reflect on your relationship. But if this happens frequently even on Sunday mornings, don´t consider the relationship a terribly serious one.
Check out your bathroom. Do you have an extra stash of her tampons under the sink, or does he keep an extra razor on the shelf? Do you wake up to snuggles in the morning, and does your partner ever cook you breakfast? If so, and especially if it gives you warm, fuzzy feelings inside, your relationship is getting pretty serious.
Related articles
- Dr. Terri Orbuch: Are Men More Romantic Than Women? (huffingtonpost.com)
- 10 Ways to Make Your Relationship Magically Romantic (psychologytoday.com)
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